The Little Things (01.04.13)
The little things: the taste of a fresh crisp
apple, an extra long hot shower, pure water drunk from a glass,
snuggling tightly under warm blankets, a deep breath of fresh air, the
thought of something tasty, like chips and guacamole.
The Gray Areas (01.05.13)
Stark choices of good and bad, right and
wrong, me vs. you, these are places where the ego thrives, as they
reinforce the illusionistic nature of separation in a closed system.
More subtle are the grey areas, the ambiguities, where oppositions meet,
blend and become open to new possibilities. However we choose to see
things, our experiences of reality are generated by our own perceptions.
The Heart is a Bloom (01.06.13)
So I'm sitting there, complaining about being
sick, and how it upends everything in your life, and blah, blah... when
out of the blue, Noah sends me a text saying: "the heart is a bloom..."
Boom. Owned.
Getting Naked in Public (01.18.13)
Wondering when getting naked in public will be a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public?
Laying in the Grass (01.21.13)
Studying prana (life force) teachings in yogic
traditions and decided to put it to practice this morning. They state
that we gain life from the sun, air, and earth. So, I lay down on the
grassy earth at the S. Austin farmhouse, in the warm sunlight, breathing
in fresh air for ten minutes, relaxing and absorbing the energy. I got
up refreshed, relaxed, and feeling better from the sore throat that has
been threatening to get me sick again.
Back to School (01.24.13)
Today in class I asked my students, "What
activities feed your imagination?". Their responses included: concerts,
music apps, dancing, playing sports, video games, commentary, movies,
and poetry. All good answers, I thought. When I was growing up, the
standard answer was sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. I'm thinking maybe I
can learn something from these kids.
Scat Singing (01.31.13)
Scat singing on my way in to work and
thinking of my long ago art teacher Denny Fraze. A hep kat drawing
instructor in sport coat, khakis and combover, counting the minutes 'til
his next cigarette break. Scat dat diddley bop ba do.
The Bees (02.07.13)
Watching the bees buzz excitedly, feeding on
the fresh rosemary blossoms downtown. It happens this time of year,
every year, yet always feels fresh and new, like seeing it for the first
time.
Year of the Water Snake (02.11.13)
What do I bring to the new year? I hope, an
appreciation for the transitory and groundless quality of all
experience. There is nothing to be grasped, even as we pass through
everything. To let go of static identities (no matter how gratifying) and let myself free fall into an unknown future with an open heart.
Street Fight (02.13.13)
I walked through a sprawling fight this
afternoon on Columbus Circle. More bravado than bloodshed, young guys
tangled on the sidewalk, then up and offering threats in lieu of
fisticuffs. "I'm coming back, alright, and when I do, I will light this
place up."
Career Day (02.22.13)
This morning was Career Day at my daughter's
school. As the kids stopped by the table and looked at my art, one
little girl (about 10) told me a story that really opened my heart. She
said, "My daddy's an artist. He's been in prison for 8 years, and always
sends me his drawings. For my birthday, he made me a drawing of
Tinkerbell with my name under it. He's my inspiration." She said all of
this with a bright, confident smile. I tried hard not to cry, as I
recognized what an inspiration she was, and gave her a great big smile
in return.
Letting Go (02.23.13)
Letting go of notions of fixed identities,
opening a glimpse into the freedom and vastness of sunyatta, the void.
Passing through these existences, vast landscapes of interconnected
experience, and the exhilaration of holding onto none of it: the
excitement, the ambitions, the lusts, the vertigo, the dull aching pains
and disappointments, the weariness and lack of sleep, and most of all
the joys and connections of open and compassionate hearts colliding in a
chaotic world.
Challenges (02.27.13)
Every day I see the challenges and obstacles
that have to overcome to be successful in school. Tonight one of my
students came up to me before class and said, "I may have to leave early
tonight, my brother just got released from prison and needs me to pick
him up." Truth is, there is no level playing field, but those who start
with nothing also have everything to gain.
Leisurely Day (03.02.13)
I'm going to air up the tire on my bicycle,
ride over to Kalachandji's for a delicious Indian vegetarian lunch,
relax in the temple for a few moments looking at paintings of the
pastimes of Krishna, and picture myself with him as he steals the
clothing of the bathing Gopis, then find a green space with fresh air
and sunshine, lie on the ground and bask in the freely given gifts of
nature.
Ten Minutes Sitting (03.04.13)
10 minutes sitting: breath too shallow,
fidgeting, can't get comfortable, a little space opens up, thinking
about the day, of what people will think, a little more space, open my
eyes in the darkness, a gap of no thought appears, it's a game, relax,
don't try so hard, enjoy yourself. Ding! Bell rings.
Downtown Satori (03.08.13)
Downtown satori. Walking in to work, just
after listening to straight up jazz on my drive, and musing on the
fleeting nature of this body, my mind suddenly went completely empty. A
land of no thought pure awareness opened up: the beautiful diffused
light, an overcast morning chill in the air, band instruments playing in
the distance, all the sensations open, vibrant, passing, gone, replaced
by new ones.
Reflection (03.09.13)
Reflecting on the different roles at various
points in my life: child, son, adolescent boy, young adult, man,
married, divorced, single, boyfriend, lover, friend, enemy, Christian,
agnostic, Buddhist, shaman, seeker, Republican, Democrat,
Libertarian-esque, Southern, country, then city, student, teacher,
artist, curator, father, brother, mentor, and so on.
Try as I may, I
have never felt any of them to be a core
permanent identity, as in "I am this". They feel more like roles I
inhabit, albeit deeply felt ones, to learn and maybe help myself and
those I love to grow.
Yet, they still feel like constructs layered over
something more ambiguous and expansive, something richer, and not
confined by notions of the self. That's what I want to get at.
Open Road (03.16.13)
Driving the open road with Noah, we settle
into an easy groove of music and conversation. Hours pass, yet seems
like no time at all before we pull in to our destination.
Morning (03.17.13)
Waking up in the Ozarks, beautiful landscape
of my childhood. Sleeping with the window up, birds chirping, hours
before sunrise. They're noisy little neighbors, but I didn't mind.
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