The last few nights waking at 3:30 am, I decided to sit out on the balcony porch and meditate. Sitting in the cold air watching my thoughts, the sensations of anxiety and exhaustion arise, then dissipate gradually into calm and emptiness feels empowering. Now I look forward to this middle of the night wakefulness. (04.03.13)
Coming to a deeper understanding of my work in regard to the deconstruction of iconographies and how it relates to my spiritual life. Buddhism is all about the investigation of perception and the realization that all our symbols and forms of meaning are provisional and constructed from a deeper perceptive reality. Looking back on twenty-five years of consistently exploring this in my art makes me think I was Buddhist without even knowing it at the time. (04.07.13)
Thinking back to a few years ago, without internet and driving the streets looking for a wifi connection, sitting in my car or else walking down the street 'til a signal popped up, then composing portentous emails charting and diverging my life's course there in the dark. (04.08.13)
So this art student brings his submission to the gallery for the student show, and asks me, "can I price it at one million dollars?". Gesturing at the gallery around me, I reply, "no, does this look like a comedy club?". Jokers. (04.09.13)
Love or fear, love or anger, love or hatred, always an opportunity. It often feels like I get a second, a third, a fourth chance, and with each repetition, the hope to act with more wisdom and compassion than the times before. (04.15.13)
Beginning dream yoga practice again. The chakra visualizations during the night are difficult, but rewarding. There is a greater mindfulness or presence in sleep, rather than the feeling of being lost in another world. A recognition that is not so different from the daytime, of the mind generating images, content, and meaning, just as it does in waking life. (04.16.13)
When one has a strong opinion on something, no matter what it is, the mind works in such a way, to interpret information that reinforces and confirms that opinion. The more difficult, but potentially more freeing option, is to maintain a mental state open to multiple overlapping possibilities as they occur. Engagement in creativity can help generate such a state. (04.20.13)
When I'm feeling stressed out, and investigate a little more closely, I find that much of my stress is self created. I also find that the stories in my head that generate the stress are just that, stories. Then I am able to clear my head, be present, and experience the situation in a more open and realistic way. (04.25.13)
Mockingbird is back at it, taunting the tom cat. It seems to really be enjoying this. Cat finally leapt up and tried to grab it, but was way off the mark. Fun little game they have going. (05.10.13)
Fireflies at dusk. (05.13.13)
"Rigid view" is something I catch myself on frequently. I like to think of the mind like clay that we can soften and mold whenever it becomes stuck and resistant to change. (05.22.13)
Smiling as I watch two dudes in a west Texas beer cooler swimming pool bromance. (05.22.13)
All is a temple, if one can see it. (06.01.13)
Any moment can be holy, if it is entered into with complete presence, or mindfulness. Literally any action or circumstance, no matter if it be ordinary, blissful, or horrific, becomes sacred with full and present attention. Allen Ginsberg knew this, I hope to learn it too. (06.07.13)
Wild morning... seven starlings are up in the broken tree, reading the riot act to the neighbor cat, who's exploring the fallen branches down below. He already caught one bird in the bushes earlier, and when I leaned out from the balcony to take a look, a yellow jacket wasp stung my hang when it strayed too close to their nest. Must have only been a warning sting, as it didn't hurt for long. (06.09.13)
In my dream, I was running in an open field with a giant brown bear. We jumped in the air, spinning back to back, three or four times like ballet dancers, our feet entwined, lost in the joy of life. (06.11.13)
Traveling can be a great opportunity to wake up, as it takes you out of your routine, helping to see things with fresh eyes. The strangeness of the human condition: clothing and customs as a form of identification, the disparity between those who have and those who don't, television as a catatonic distraction, the comforts of your own routine. The collective nature of our endeavor making internal modifications on our behavior at all times, whether we are aware of it or not. (06.15.13)
Walking back streets of Chicago last night, reflecting on the (mis)adventures of days gone by on those same streets, and thinking how it feels distant yet familiar, like a well worn book. (06.15.13)
Shooting the shit with Pedro Vélez at the Gold Star in Wicker Park. We watched kids shooting pool and caught up on things. He showed me the narrow alley leading to his old pad and talked about how quickly the once quiet neighborhood has changed. (06.15.13)
Mint infusion. (06.24.13)
Summer early evening traffic heat bleach blonde long hair skinny chick lookin' dude rocking out to metal air drumming on the steering wheel as he rolls by. (06.26.13)
One of my favorite things is dancing to the "Ice, Ice, Baby" theme at the self-serve ice stand. (06.28.13)
Revolution is a state of mind. (06.30.13)
Sitting in my car, won't start, late afternoon sun. Waiting on a good Samaritan dakini to show up and give me a push start. Birds chirp, desert plants reach to the sky, and I lean my seat back. (07.02.13)
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