verses (pt. iv)

you mock me for my beliefs, then tell me you believe.

each time you let go, the freedom is illusive.

and so, you can't help but to try again.

experience itself is the truest teacher.

every time an end, and you're coming back into this body.

there is no solid ground with us.

that is the nature of this, always flowing, always moving.

running for so long, and for what, from that which cannot be escaped.

distraction only works for so long.

what to do, when none of this feels real.

pushing against what is possible to express.

verses (pt. iii)

i trust the validity of my experiences.

they give me insight into reality.

this basic truth is accessible to all.

when i slow down and observe life, i become aware.

with this awareness, existing power structures no longer matter, be they social, political, or religious.

this includes those that i have constructed inside my own mind.

they tell me to be fearful for my soul, my freedom, my reputation.

i realize that these are only words to reinforce an outdated sense of self.

beyond that, there is an expansiveness that envelopes all.

it is still, quiet, and yet more powerful than any weapon made by human hands.

verses (pt. ii)

musky scent of fresh rain falls / fresh yet pungent too /earth calling us to itself. (04.15.11)

outside of time, we haven't yet been born, and we're already dead...from that perspective, what becomes most important right now? (04.14.11)

so many faces, so many expressions of reality, so many directions we throw ourselves in, connections all. some more distant, others so near, all in ebb and flow. (04.11.11)

The only hells that exist are the ones we create for ourselves and others. (04.04.11)

brisk feeling in the air, diffused light glowing on the landscape, birds calling in the trees, a fleeting limnal state all. (03.30.11)

The material world presents itself to us in oppositional terms. So those who work really hard at being peaceful, are usually the ones who are the most turbulent on the inside. Yeah Randall, I'm talkin' about you. (03.24.11)

When I'm taking long road trips, I come up with so many cool FB status posts while out on the road...pithy, meaning laden quotes. By the time I actually log onto FB, they're all gone, vanished back into the muse. (03.22.11)

lying in the pool, looking up, i saw a flock of birds gliding aimlessly on the currents of wind, many hundreds of feet up in the clear blue sky. later, in the evening we saw them gliding in to nest for the evening...a flock of huge, graceful vultures. (03.19.11)

(( wild abandon )) (03.11.11)

so grateful that there is love, to give and to receive. (03.03.11)

verses (pt. i)

compassion for those trapped in the service of death

dismantle from the bottom up

only you can imprison your own heart

last moments of the dying ego

cynicism is the easy way out

those with the most power are the most fearful

i will never be a corporate brand

love embracing all existence

one moment of clarity

all is possible with nothing left to lose

discarding that which no longer works

true strength lies not in oppression

do not be afraid

it's ok,

it's so easy to say,

don't be afraid.

yet, we're all afraid

aren't we?

what is it my love?

what is your greatest fear?

please, relax if you can.

don't fight it,

the tide, the pull

feel it, whatever it might be.

it is your true self calling:

fear, longing, regret, love.

dark night (bodhisattva)

the darkness, it holds no fear to me

knowing it so well through

all these years and lives untold.

embracing, pressed so close

as to take into myself

no self, it matters not.

stumbling now, without balance

down, spiralling downward

empty and free of hope.

past countless imagined apparitions,

demons and afflictions, no power they

for to them, the same as to i.

and to you i say, be not alone

rather take me, take me there with you

reach and find me there, deep into the black.

Christmas Karmic Eve

My recent practice has involved applying the methodology of the Tibetan Book of the Dead, in particular, that of passing through the Bardos of the wrathful deities. The logic being that if you apply this practice in life, you will make progress here, and be familar with it after dying.

Poetically enough the wrathful deities, like the three wise men, decided to visit me on Christmas Eve. A peaceful evening walking with throngs of Christmas revelers later gave way to a deep sense of anxiety and nightmares.

Toward the deep existential dread that came up, I was able to hold no grudge and remained fairly neutral, understanding it as karmic residue that I could accept as coming from within myself. This was a marked departure from the teaching I received early on that these feelings are evil, and need to be exorcised.

As the experience unfolded, I began to find compassion toward that young child I once was, and also toward those well-meaning, but ultimately ignorant teachers and preachers of my youth. I also found gratitude that my own children are progressing at a much younger age toward wisdom and realization than I was able to.

Through a Christmas night filled with unsettling dreams I ventured, not attaching myself to them, nor pushing them away, but trying just to be present and allow the energy to complete itself.

And so this is my current resolution, to experience the karmic residue of a million existences, and watch as it burns itself out, at its own pace. I couldn't escape the irony that this realization came on the symbolic night of another very celebrated painful birth into this world.

This seems to me like an honest path to liberation.